Lately, I've been thinking about filming and uploading videos again. In my head I keep telling myself "I should do it, I should do it," but when it comes to actually doing it, it feels scary, hard, and honestly kind of a pain.
I tend to think of myself as not very entertaining and not particularly talented, so I have no confidence -- and the way I look on camera just seems pretty meh to me. I don't think I'm all that fond of my own face.
But still, I have things I want to do, and I think uploading videos is a genuinely useful path to achieving what I want to achieve.
I've been following people who post routine videos, thinking along these lines, and they all seem to be living so passionately and looking great. The algorithm keeps showing me new people who are active with routine-keeping videos, and they're truly impressive. Then a thought suddenly hit me: "There are so many good people on social media. I want to become friends with them too." This was the deepest thought I had today, but I think I'd vaguely known this for a while.
When I watch Charles Enter, I see influencers doing projects together, and when I watch Queen Gabee, it seems like they're having so much fun. I'm not exactly the type with that kind of charisma, but I got this feeling of "what if I worked together with like-minded people?"
My friends and I don't travel often. When we do, they drink and tease each other, and I don't really enjoy that. I don't see the point of picking at each other and getting drunk just to make the next day miserable -- I don't want to push my body in a bad direction. Since my friends are like that and so am I, I think that's why I haven't traveled much. So sometimes I'm envious of people who freely take trips with their friends. If I make friends through social media, couldn't I also go on trips where I can enjoy myself without drinking?
I think this post is because I'm feeling lonely. After moving to Hwaseong, I've been separated from a lot of people, and there have been some heartbreaking things too -- so it's the freest yet loneliest time of my life. Anyway, I need to push through this and work hard to build a bright future.
To be upset over what you don't have is to waste what you do have.
-- Ken S. Keyes
